Unraveling

Do you knit?  I don’t knit.  That’s not a surprise if you know me at all personally.  It wouldn’t surprise you to see a fishing rod or golf club in my hand but knitting needles – unlikely.  I did have a great grandmother who knitted and crocheted.  She could do amazing things with yarn and those aluminum magic wands.  I do recall a time, however, when Great Grandma began to “un-knit” the sweater or scarf or whatever it was she had spent some time crafting.  Apparently, something wasn’t as it was supposed to be, or maybe she changed her mind about color or size or something.  Whatever it was, with a simple, steady pull of the yarn she began to unravel the whole thing.  All of the work and creative thought and time – unraveling course by course….  I didn’t understand.  But she took the whole thing apart.  What was once well-ordered and becoming seemingly more beautiful by the minute was now a heap of kinked yarn in a pile on her burnt orange shag carpeting. 

Do you ever feel like life is unraveling?  To be transparent, I have felt that way of late.  Like all that seemed to be right, that seemed to be as it should be was now morphing into a pile of indistinguishable yarn on the floor.  I feel like life has strayed from my beautifully organized script and is careening unpiloted toward who-knows-what.  Wayward kids, a failed business, a general sense of purposelessness, paralysis of leadership and a lack of motivation – all have converged to wage the war of discouragement and sometimes it feels as though I have lost a lot of ground.

Somehow, I must have taken a wrong turn on the journey to the Me of My Dreams.  It sort of feels more like I am moving toward the me of my nightmares. 

But here’s the thing - If I were ultimately responsible for whatever it takes to become the Me of My Dreams, then wrong turns and inefficient routes would be possible, even probable.  But I am not at the wheel.  I am not ordering my own steps.  Granted, sometimes, maybe even often, I stray from the plan to follow something that seems (in my limited understanding and judgement at least) like a better way.  But God is the one who knows the way to Me of My Dreams.  And even when his plan is beyond my ability to understand it, it’s still right.  He’s good.  He loves me and he has ordered my steps for my own good and his great glory.

I don’t know what Great Grandma made from that heap of yarn.  I am sure it was beautiful and useful.  I am sure it was redeemed and that it served a far better purpose than what may have been originally imagined.  Makes me think that maybe the unraveling isn’t the bad thing it seems to be in my own life.  Maybe it’s even necessary….

“God, life seems to be coming apart sometimes.  Give me the faith to trust that you are intentional in the unraveling – that it is all a part of your plan to transform me into the Me of My Dreams….”

"But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I will come out as gold..." Job 23:10